


Tales of Blood and Bone

by Ashtore



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 06:30:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashtore/pseuds/Ashtore
Summary: A collection of Letters between a Daughter and her Mother, separated by distance and time.





	Tales of Blood and Bone

**Author's Note:**

> This is an epistolary work, still pretty rough but any critique is welcome, within the bounds of common courtesy.

Dear Diary

_I have heard that Drowning is a peaceful sort of death, like going to sleep almost. There isn’t enough water around here to test that theory._

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_The biggest downside is that your mind tries to fill the silence left by the water plugging your ears. sounds you were unaware of before, like your heartbeat, are louder._

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_You kind of feel them too. Your whole body shakes with the bounding of the blood in your veins and you are beating like a drum. You can hear the earth beneath you, too. it kind of has this roaring humm to it and it surprises me that I can’t hear it all the time it's so loud. It would be like hearing an engine run on a car, or what a mother’s voice would sound like in the womb. Its comforting but its loss can break your heart._

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_At night you can hear people moving about and soft murmurs of voices, I look for those sounds when I go to sleep. If it were to stop I would know something was wrong. late or early in the morning, as the sun is rising, the mummers taper off but the world isn’t completely silent. the humm of the earth remains beneath everything. the desert has its own rhythm to it, and we are never without sound. true silence can be unnerving._

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_I am the eldest in my creche and sometimes the silence of the water is calming. I like to hold my breath and imagine that it’s my mother humming to me. while I am still floating in the womb, still forming myself and deciding what goes where. Its a nice feeling to connect to someone I have never known._

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_I like to imagine she looked like me, and I decided to make myself in her image. Like I knew she wasn’t mine to keep but I wanted something to hold onto._

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_The others here have their own families to write letters to or to spend time with. my only connections are the ones I have made or imagined._

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_Thera is my teacher but she made it very clear that she was not my mother. She saidthat I should be told in a safe place before going out into the world where other people wouldnt be as kind about it._

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_I guess it was kind of her, in her own way. At the time it felt like another kind of rejection. When she first told me, I ran from her and wouldn’t speak to her for days._

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_I have come to accept it and forgive her, but it left I will always remember._

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_I want to know why my mother gave me up, it’s like a burning question in my mind. That’s why I like to imagine putting my head below the water but it’s like it cools that burning for a while but then when I come up for air it burns even more._

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_The need for answers keeps me up at night._

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_It’s not my fault I have no mother or father but they punish me for it anyway._

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_I used to imagine finding her, my mother, would make everything alright. I used to look for her in every face and become desolate when my search would come up empty._

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_Thera tells us stories of mothers and fathers who protect us in the outer camps. they give their lives to give us life and freedom from the cities. The other children see their parents and family on birthdays. They go to live with them when they age out of the creches at 13._

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_I am the eldest here because I have no parents to go to so, I have to wait until I am old enough to be independent. I go to different lessons because I need to know more that I would have learned from my family._

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_I'm 17 this cycle and ready to leave the creche. Its an exciting time but I'm scared. All the people I knew have aged out, it's been 4 cycles since the first time I became the eldest here. The way the others treated me changed that second time I didn’t leave with my fellow crechelings._

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_A single cycle they would forgive. A death in the family or other delay could have explained it. When the second and then the Thired cycle came and went the rumors and whispers started._

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_The cold stares and the pitying looks._

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_The whispered name calling._

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_Thera tries to curtail the worst of it but she cannot be with me all the time. At night I listen to the murmurs and shifting blankets._

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_Most of the boys keep clear of me, ignoring is their usual tactic. Its like I am unclean and they don’t want to dirty their hands. The other Creches have their own elders and hierarchy. I am not the only one of my kind but if you think there would be a kind of fraternity feel among us, there isn’t._

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_I tried once to talk to another girl who was also oldest in her creche. She was 3 cycles my senior and I was so hoping she would be my friend._

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_I found out that her parents had died during a raid and she was waiting for an Aunt to come get her. She talked of how she couldn’t wait to leave, slapping my ‘clingy’ fingers away and sneering at my 'weepy' eyes and nose._

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_I decided to let go of any thought of friendship with the snippy brat and soon enough she was gone. Good riddance to bad rubbish.It still hurt though._

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_Its getting late and I need to be up early to avoid the worst of the gossips. Good night._

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_-Fiona_


End file.
